I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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