First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
no you cant smoke seaweed
pop tarts are not kleenex
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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