does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
