who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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