# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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