I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
