he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
