So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
