Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
