it wasn't lemon gatorade
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
birth control should be required to get into college
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize