I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
