I could make wine with my vomit
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
