Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
