She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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