so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
