Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
