it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We are two peas in an std pod
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
