So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I have already put on my inside pants.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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