If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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