So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She needs sedatives and a leash
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
