They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
