i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
