when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
