I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
