We're like a lot better than the average bears
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize