Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
