sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
