The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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