Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
