I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
