I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Let's get the cat blown out
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
