I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the condom got lost in my hair
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize