god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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