Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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