No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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