You work out of a Hotel?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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