do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
