some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
