"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
