I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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