I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Randomize
