i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
