Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize