hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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