his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
