I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize