please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
