alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize