I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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