What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
