whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
