i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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