youre lurking in front of me
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
