He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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