I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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