Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
