woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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