Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
