I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
