just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
