I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Pooping to opera.
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