But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
