So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
