Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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