Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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