Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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