I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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