So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
