ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
