I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
