i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
