I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
